Shards of Glass

People are so terribly broken on their own. I have had several conversations recently that have reminded me of our delicate states—in many ways our souls are like glass. It is so easy for us to be shattered—we shatter ourselves and we shatter other people—and then we are left with sharp and jagged shards scattered all over the floor. Abrupt and piercing there they lie, ready to tear into the soft flesh of whoever’s feet cross their path.

I don’t like it. I don’t like seeing so many broken people, so many bleeding feet. I desperately want to scoop up the broken glass into my hands and glue all the pieces back together. But that’s impossible—the shards are so scattered and splintered that there is no way I can re-create a smooth surface. Even knowing this I still try sometimes. I still try to fix my own shattered soul; and far too often I try to fix the shattered pieces of those around me. But that only ends up in a sticky, glue-filled disaster. I cut my hands, and I poke shards into the people I most love.

What are we to do with all of our broken glass? I see people attempting to create their own mosaics with all of these fragments—mosaics that form the image of money or status or sex or empty piety—but these images are still rough and bumpy and sharp. They are merely attempts to reconfigure the brokenness, but the brokenness doesn’t go away. The pieces remain pieces, and they still tear up our fleshy delicateness.

There is only one way for the glass to be smoothed over, for the piercing edges to be sanded down. Only the refining fire of Jesus Christ can melt our brokenness back into a whole and complete sea of glass, a surface that is smooth and strong to the touch. This refining process hurts; it requires us to disassemble our mosaics and lay them at the foot of the cross. And it requires us to take the burning heat that destroys our pride, our own mosaic-creating inclinations. But the finished product is worth it; a sea of perfect and smooth and strong glass that does not cut or pierce or confuse. A sea of glass that God can sculpt into his beautiful kingdom is a glorious thing- the most glorious thing. We know this sculpture will never be complete until Christ’s final return, because there will always be more brokenness and shards and piercing in this earthly world. But we also know that Christ is the ultimate sculptor, and I want to stop crafting my own mosaics. I want to stop crafting other people’s mosaics. And I desperately want to sweep up my shards to the foot of the cross to begin the blessed and hot and smoothing process of refinement.

My Super Husband

Here is our half-sanded dresser with a few of the drawers. Yes, it is in the little landing way next to the stairwell of our apartment. And yes, we were warned today that we have to get it out because it is a fire-hazard. So I guess we'll have to sand fast because we have nowhere else to put it!


I think it took James 40 minutes to sand this side of the dresser, and it took me around 2 hours to sand the other half...go figure.

I suppose that for thousands of families around the United States all happily married men suffer the same fate about this time of year - the "summer time projects" list. Yes, it's that time of the year when wives of young and old start humming that exciting tune of clean up, fix up, paint up, build up, plant up, pull up, and the melody could go on and on.

Lucky for James we live in a little apartment run by the Seminary, and for any major problems the Seminary housing and maintenance crew takes care of it. But the other day I did literally run into what we will be our first (among many to come, I am sure) summer project. As people have been moving in and out of CRW the last few weeks there has been plenty of furniture that people have just thrown next to the dumpster bins in the parking lots. As I was coming back from a run the other morning I passed a rather large piece of wooden furniture, and so I decided to stop and check it out. It was a wooden dresser - a really pretty shape and size and very solid and sturdy. The only problem were the massive scratches all over the top of the dresser. The drawers all still fit into the dresser straight, and given a little sanding and a fresh stain job I figured it would be as good as new in no time.

Well, I seem to have a knack for underestimating how long it takes to complete projects. And this case was no different - it is a very long and hard process to completely sand down an entire dresser - including the sealant, the stain, and the massive scratches - and I've had a few frustrated moments when I realized how long this project would actually take. I had warned James when I first brought this "treasure" home and he gave me a sly and unexcited look that he didn't have to help at all....no need for him to worry because this would be my little project.

Yeah, well, I changed my mind. I decided this would be a good team project - a husband and wife refinishing adventure. What could be more fun in these hot and sticky summer days than sweating to the tune of 120 grit sandpaper? Not much, let me tell you. Yet I have to say that James has jumped on board with me and has even surprised me when I've come home and there he is sanding on his own. I really do have the best husband in the world!

When it rains it POURS

Literally. It doesn't drizzle in New Jersey. In a matter of minutes the humid, sticky day turns a bit darker as the clouds infiltrate the sky and the wind picks up and the thunder starts to roar. And usually at this point, as luck would have it, I'm out getting groceries or running errands somewhere without an umbrella and there is nothing you can do but get SOAKING WET. And even with an umbrella you aren't going to stay very dry, because New Jersey thunderstorms insist on making everyone feel even more uncomfortable than they already were in the humidity of the day.

This has been very annoying to me - I can't tell you the number of times that I've been drenched and my shoes and socks have been submerged in the pools of water that develop in the streets because there isn't time to drain. But I suppose as I'm getting more used to these crazy and fickle thunderstorms I'm also starting to appreciate their beauty. There is always something awe-inspiring about the load clanging of thunder and the natural eclipse of light that the lightening brings. And thunderstorms here, unlike those in Seattle, mean that you can usually see the actual bolt of lightening streak across the sky - and that is a sight to take your breath away every time.

These thunderstorms have actually provided for some fun date nights for James and me. Last weekend we went to the Olive Garden with a gift card from Aunt Marilyn (thanks again Marilyn!), and on our way there the rain struck. Even with my umbrella we both looked and felt like drowned rats by the time we got inside. And my first thought was, "Great - I'm sticky and wet and uncomfortable, when all I want is to look pretty and feminine and cute on this rare occasion that we go out for dinner." But the drowned rat composure actually put us both in really "happy-go-lucky" moods and we had such a fun time together. And then tonight, again, I was caught in a thunderstorm while trying to find a fan for our bedroom - and I felt tonight like a sopping poodle on account of my previously curly but now wet and frizzy hair. I was so frustrated that I decided we needed some ice cream, so with a pint of mint cookies and cream James and I played one of our favorite card games tonight - golf. There is definitely something fun about being inside playing games in the midst of the thunder's roar and the lightening's vibrant bolts.

So as much as these thunderstorms drive me crazy, I'm trying to just roll with them...they play a good humbling role for all the citizens of New Jersey as nobody can come out looking good after being caught in one of these!

Summer Visiting Hours....

Are now open.

I've decided that summer time is definitely when the good ol' CRDub community comes to life. It really is amazing what a difference it makes when we aren't all going crazy with school. Everyone takes evening strolls around here, and since everyone is hangin' out outside in the evenings it's easy to catch up with your neighbors or join a little "Kum-bay-ah" session (not sure that's spelled right?) We've had several BBQ's and random hang-outs and sitting around fire pits - it's a great time. Yesterday we got home from work and decided to grill up some chicken, so we called a few friends. Within an hour or so we had a great feast of burgers, BBQ'd potatoes with olive oil and rosemary (so good - going to be a new favorite on the grill), corn on the cob, pineapple...summertime bliss.

The pineapple and corn before they went on the grill...


Here's our friend, Ben, who stopped by our house last night to hang out - he brought some pretty stellar brownies with colored sprinkles on the top - nice work Ben!


And the Man on the BBQ

Defining Evangelicalism

I just finished attending a conference called "Envision 08: The Gospel, Politics, and the Future" at Princeton University's Campus. It was basically a group of theologians, activists, and church leaders that identified themselves as "Evangelicals" but rejected the "Religious Right" social and political identity. It was a group of people that wanted to maintain the integrity and role of Jesus Christ in the Christian faith, but wanted to see God’s kingdom furthered here on earth. Of course that is a gross oversimplification of the way these two elements overlap, interplay, and build upon each other, but recent church history paints a general picture of an over-emphasis on the spiritual or an over-emphasis on the material/physical.

The general sentiment of the EV08 conference was to bridge this gap, and there were certainly many excellent and important points raised at this conference. But there were also many points that raised red flags for me. I suspect many of these people were frustrated with the “brand” of Christianity that I often witnessed growing up – a Christianity that had as its main focus personal salvation, personal piety (often a collapse into unhealthy legalism), and a rather narrow political emphasis on gay marriage and abortion at the cost of little dialogue about poverty, AIDS, homelessness, racial reconciliation, etc. And I certainly understand the problems here – Christianity certainly deals with salvation, but it also deals with justice and poverty and service to others.

I suppose the big worry I had at this conference is the fact that “Love” is supposed to solve everything. Over and over again I heard about Christ’s love, and the way he served others, and how the solution to all our racial, ethnic, socio-economic problems, etc. is to just love each other like Christ loved others. But this mentality seems to broach upon an over-emphasis on the material world – yes, Christ loved others and served others. But he also called people into a new and costly way of life. His costly way of life was not the “I’m okay, you’re okay, we’re all okay whatever it is that we’re doing as long as we love one another.” Christ’s love was not always warm and fuzzy; often it was demanding and difficult and required drastic lifestyle changes. So loving others with the end goal of material comfort for all is not the be-all-end-all of Christianity – lots of secular organizations have that goal. Christianity is also concerned with “the cost of discipleship” and the way that we are to encourage and prod and grow one another through authentic discipleship that sharpens our spiritual lives in tandem with our material lives. Shane Claiborne made a very important and much needed statement at this conference: “It’s easy to fall in love with love, but Shalom always had some sense of order.” He said you cannot think people can just get together and love one another and magically fix the world – there has to be some sense of order and structure. And let’s face it: Christ had very distinct things to say about helping the poor and about lifestyle expectations regarding sexuality, the value of life, and our salvation. So yes, Christianity is a “BOTH/AND” situation…and I think that Evangelicals are still struggling to carve that middle road from both the left and the right.

Summer jobs...

James and I have several goals this summer, one of which is to make as much money as possible. We had thought about taking summer languages, or getting an internship, or doing a field-ed program abroad...but then we decided to just hunker down and work as much as we can to try to minimize loans next year. And after the crazy busy summer we had last year, I am quite content to stay in one happy location and do no packing or moving (I think I've been moving back and forth from school to home to new places in Seattle every single summer the last five years, so this is the longest time I've been permanently located in quite awhile. It feels great!)

As always, however, it's not easy to jump into a full-time job when you're a student because not many people want to hire you if you can only work for 4 months, or because every college kid in the state has applied to every restaurant or J Crew or Barnes and Noble competing for coveted summer jobs. So James and I have been trying to be creative with tapping into some of the wealth in this area, and we're coming up with some decent options. But I think we've both realized that we're going to have to settle for hopping around from multiple jobs, which means that are schedules are a bit crazy. Here is our job situation thus far:

Nicole:
1) Working at the Running Company
2) Working at Jake's (a clothing store owned Running Co. owners)
3) Working for Professor Isaac
4) Internship with World Vision

James:
1) Working at Princeton Seminary Library
2) Working for Professor Isaac
3) Working for Judith in her beautiful Princeton home garden

So keeping track of our schedules is not very easy at this point, but we've decided to make Sundays our planning days (which is the only day of the week we aren't working so far). We've developed some good spreadsheets for our income flow and expense flow, and we are learning to be more organized as a couple. I was used to keeping track of my own income/expenses, but it is a very different story when you are combining efforts with another person. I think James and I are working towards a good system, however, and we're learning how to be patient with one another as we combine our somewhat different organizational approaches into one team effort.

I have to say that even with all of our odd jobs I'm not sure we're on target to make as much money as I hoped this summer - because daily living expenses in NJ are so high, we have some more car problems to pay for, and our hours at some of these jobs vary from week to week. But God has taken such good care of us in every realm of our life, including our finances. He has provided jobs for us thus far, and we are going to keep trying to replace our "OK paying jobs" with more "really, really good paying jobs." But even if that doesn't happen, we're doing the best we can with the opportunities God has provided us, and we know that God will honor our efforts at working as hard as we can and being good stewards of our money.

All in all, we still feel so completely overwhelmed at the way God has richly blessed our young lives. Even today, when I was walking from one job to the next across Princeton's campus I was struck with awe at the beauty of this fabulous school. And I had shivers up and down my spine when I re-realized that this is the first three years of our marriage - we get to study at one of the most amazing schools in the United States together, live in a great community of fellow seminarians at CRW, develop new friendships with interesting and fun and intelligent people, and explore the great cities of the East Coast. As long as we can put up with the crazy heat and pelting thunderstorms and allergy-inducing pollens that define a NJ summer, all things will be more than well!

Summer Time is....

BLISTERING!!!







It is so warm out here in New Jersey...It's been 95+ degrees, and around 95-98% humidity. (Sometimes I forget I'm in Jersey and think I'm Vietnam). Thank goodness the running store where I work is very air-conditioned, and the conference I'm working at the next few days on Princeton's campus is sure to be quite air-conditioned as well. The supposed "air-conditioning" in our house is not much to brag about....it ends up seeming more like a basic fan. But I guess it's better than nothing.

James and I have been drinking lots of deliciously cold and smooth and summery smoothies out on our patio. It's the perfect place to relax in the evenings these days: we have a little bistro set, some flower pots, and patio lights strung across the porch. So we are quite proud of our little "oasis" for the summer - it's really the only way to distinguish one cubicle apartment from the others in each building. I'm just hoping that my plants don't die in the sweltering heat, particularly given my proclivity to forget to water them. There is really no excuse for my watering them, though - all I have to do is take 3 steps from the kitchen sink out onto to the patio with my little watering bowl. So we'll see if I can keep them alive, because I am growing very fond of my little "urban garden."